You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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