I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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