my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
