So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
