dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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