Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
