There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am midnight drunk by noon
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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