Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
