I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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