you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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