if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and she was petting her beer can
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
