Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
