i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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