i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
