I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
