god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
