Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
