He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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