How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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