i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
