He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Damn victory sex feels great
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
