Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
