I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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