I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
