Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
