Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the condom got lost in my hair
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
