he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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