her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
