the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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