why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
