Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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