she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
