I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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