she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your face is a jimmy john
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
