she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
