just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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