it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
