you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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