i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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