Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
