ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your penis caused this!
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