So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
