If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
