Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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