and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My pussy is not your playground.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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