His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
