It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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