i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
