I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
