hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
