And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
