just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm always down for nudity.
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